right last day of free tinternet, last day employed, its official im a free woman. i'm going to africa for a month on friday evening and no its not an april fool. i'll be back soon as i can, cant say when exactly but watch out.
i'll leave you with the guide to surviving a 12 hour plane flight

preparation is key. you need to ensure you have everything you need, everything is switched off at home and you get there in plenty of time. try and book your seat beforehand online and if possible request a vegetarian meal. imo theyre always nicer than the meat they serve and you get it first.

make friends with the airline staff. smile and say hello when you board, you never know when they will come in handy. i got a free paper last time.

get settled and make sure you have everything to hand. i always take a thick jumper cos flights tend to get cold. also take with you some ear plugs and an eye mask if you dont get one for free. check out your in flight entertainment. sit back and watch the first film whilst your starting the flight and dinner is served. then try and get some kip. wake fairly early and there should be another film on or music.

wait for brekkie and watch the sunrise. prepare for landing and immigration or connecting flights. bobs yer unkle.

see you soon!

continuing on a similar theme. ive had really bad eczema down the middle finger and the other one thats not the index or little one. ring finger? anyway what with stress and dairy and wheat and pollution and intergalatic superhighways its been hurting more than usual and developed a huge crack. [insert your own gag here]

the cream ive bought to cure it is E45 with urea to stop the itching. but its a right bastard and really really stings like mad. tonights plan is to vaseline it up for the sleep time. i really need to have it healed by fridays lets shred my fingers by the heavy backpack to heathrow method. bum.

two kids died the other day, apparently playing dare on the railway lines after sinking a bottle of white lightening or two. the police advice to children was dont dance infront of trains if youve been drinking. havent they seen the darwin awards? surely the law has seen the emails and read the stories behind countless other similar deaths? i mean when i drank when i was 14 i *still* knew jumping round on the tracks wasnt a good idea. unfortunately even being only 14 they probably still have fathered a few and therefore the stupid gene lives on. word.

today i had to wait until boots was open to complete my essential travel item shopping, seen as everywhere was closed yesterday causing major huffage chez min.

for your first aid/ travelling kit you need:

vaseline. its your friend. love it. it treats sun burn and chapped lips
diarrhoea tablets. get quick action ones that sooth the stomach. you will need it.
oral rehydration sachets. really good after a bad bout of above.
constipation relief tablets. can be just as minging as above.
aspirin. does everything for 16p. aches, pains, swelling, fever, colds.

allergy relief tablets. non drowsy. great for itchy bites!
bite and sting relief anithistamine cream. great for local action.
insect repellant spray. good all over coverage.
expedition jungle strength insect repellant. for partiuclarly nasty critters.

savlon. antiseptic. for cuts.
fabric plasters. for cuts. i dont like the plastic ones. im old skool.
deep heat cream. i love it. be careful where you use it!

sore throat lozenges. with antiseptic and anaesthetic, really good if you have large tonsils like me.

suntan lotion. large pack of whatever factor for your skin, but also good to have a small pack of 30 or 40 and a 25 sunstick for your face. get the none whitening one and dont get the green kids ones by accident. you dont want to look like an ageing 80s cricketer.
moisturiser. any kind. if you have a fridge, put it in there.
face wipes.
wet ones. essential.

safety pins. scissors. tweezers. good tools.

dont forget your normal medications and any malaria tablets of required. and also take a mini first aid kit which has your own sterile needles.

today ive been watching the highlights of the world skating championships, held this year in moscow. i love watching skating as to be able to do those jumps and turns on a thin blade of metal rushing over ice seems impossible to me, yet they do it with such ease. one couple really caught my eye, as he flung her high into the air for a quadruple twist before catching her again. absolutely amazing.

next year the european finals are in lyon, which is a cheapo ryanair type destination. however id love to go to the winter olympics which will be in italy next march. maybe my dream will come true...

i was compelled to get out of bed early (well before 9am on a holiday saturday) today. i had a few tasks to complete one of which was to get a fleecy top for the cooler nights by the camp fire on holiday. good job i could get one, in my size, in black for £2. good old primark. and two very cute tops (£2.50 each) that i'll just have to get a fiorelli bag to match.

next chore was the food run. as telekentically requested, rhubarb crumble was in the bargain bin. im treating myself to brie and grape sandwiches for lunch and salmon and waldorf salad for tea. btw dont bother trying skinny cow ice cream. although there is no fat, there is little flavour also.

finally there was the final clean-up at chez moi. in true peter kay stylee i had to laff at the fact im making it spick and span for the burgulars. im packing everything away in preparation for next weeks departure whilst catching up with some old dr who's. cybermen are my fave, im looking forward to tonights new episode with comfort food and and clean palace. yay!

ps i have checked and the gym is open tomorrow.

last night i saw a bunch of people i havent seen for eight years. it was all very odd. im always amused when i wake up after a heavy night and my little trail of clothes show how pished i was. we had been at at 30th birthday party, something that i will have to get used to in the next few months. then we went to a members club bar. all a bit ott. nevermind it was good to see whos changed and whos exactly the same.

seems work has paid me my redundancy money. upfront. which is probably the most honest thing theyve done. and i get an extra few days of interest. mint.

I love my new lappy. once it becomes friends with my ipod i'll have my own little gorgeous family. only thing is i havent got xp or office, but i know a shining knight who will come to my rescue :)

had to speak to da government today. i spoke to the inland revenue who seemed quite chirpy and pleasant. i wonder what pills they were given this morning. ive had a pretty good relationship with the tax dept, and honesty is the best policy, guvnor.

then i spoke to the jobseeker centre and helpline. they have a target to speak the quickest on the phone and also give you the brush off. apparently being on holiday doesnt mean your actively seeking work. if i use tinternet and apply online surely that counts?

then i brought my new baby home. am well pleased.

today i went for part two of my 'career transition workshop'. basically how to look for jobs, write cvs and do interviews. all pretty handy stuff, a few hints and tips on how to answer difficult questions etc.
the main thing was the people i had the workshop with. in a weird way it was like talking to four other commuters, something which in london is never done.

the first guy is a payroll manager for a well known high street bank. if you cut him in half he would have an eagle in the middle like a stick of rock. oh and he looked like alan partridges bbc boss. he is an old school banker, still putting the company first even though hes been given the boot.
i felt sorry for him in the end, hes old fashioned and stuck in his ways at 38. but i guess at least he knows what job he wants to do. kind of like reggie perrin. one day he'll come home and put down his huge briefcase that contains his paper and sandwich box and realise that everythings changed and hes stayed the same. i hope he takes the plunge and becomes a tiler.

another guy worked for the same bank. yet he couldnt be more different. he was like a more timid version of john inman. he'd been a kind of odd job man, taking on all those tasks in the office no one else wanted to do. so he would fix the bogs and order the envelopes etc. he just needed the courage to get out there and do something otehr than listen to womans hour every day.
he saw an advert for help the aged today. i really hope that he ends up doing something like that cos it would suit him down to the ground. generally he was one of those nice people out there who would help anyone anytime. bless.

the other guy was a engineer with the highest voice since a young boy squeezed michael jacksons balls (allegedly) and another guy from south africa who was normal. if IT guys are ever normal ;)

ive been having to sort out my mobile phone, as my work one will terminate next week. as the 3230 isnt available yet, so ive had to take a temporary sim only option until its out. the lack of ability for 02 to send me a replacement bill for one that was stolen shows why they scored low in a customer service poll the other day. so ive plumped for vodafone. i get nectar points and hopefully a good deal on the 3230. the test is how they get on porting my number. hopefully voda' will live up to the test. and my old handset will last out a while in africa....

first of all a hello to mosher and tori, nice to see i have a) comments and b) new readers. made my week

well its only a matter of days now till i can spill certain beans. in the interim i have many customer service issues of my own to sort out. good job im qualified in that department.

theres always irony. seems that just after i finish visiting my customer in cork, ireland i find out that cillian murphy, the one in the hospital gear from 28 days later and also peter in the girl with the pearl earring is from cork as well. bummer. my ideal man slips through my fingers again.

anyway im in love with crunchie ice cream bars so men come a cheap second every time.

a huuuge big up to lou lou. she recommended the snugpack sleeping bag which is a lightweight yet good performing bag that squishes down to a very small size. the forces use them and are eays to wash. according to the website there were two stockists in croydon. and as i can get the bus there easily i thought id pop over yesterday afternoon.
so i source out the first stockist, which just happened to be closed down. bum. so i go off to the second stockist. its not looking good when they say they only have one left. luckily it turns out to be the softie 6, which is the exact one i want. and it just happens to be in the sale, reduced from £74 to £50 yay!!

is it just me or is michael jackson starting to look like the elephant man?

i knew this was going to happen, and im not happy with the outcome. as far as im concerned yes i know ive been a twat in the past but this particular issue, ive played fair, ive been overly nice and ive not done anything antagonistic. however it simmered and now its been out for discussion and im upset.
god at least ive been good this time......

so today was my last day, i have so much to say but i cant, not until its all signed sealed and delivered. just wait :)

two final thoughts. one was that did you know female farts are smellier than males, fact!

second is a slogan i saw on the way to somewhere. it was in big sheets of A4 per letter. 'part your belief curtains'
true.


word.

today i had my leaving party. i left early. i didnt feel great and to be honest the gang had been depleted by the excuse fairy. in one way i was glad that i wouldnt be doing the same old office piss up again, another way i was sad to know i wont see some of these people again.
i want to laugh and cry at the same time. in some ways its 'the office' comedy show in one twisted real episode. i have one working day left.
oh and i got tickets for kylie yay!

so the bloggies are out...

visit to the hospital maxillo-facial unit today. first the doctor/dentist was yum. if he had been a few inches taller then id have asked him out. i had to have a second opinion, but as it goes the wisdom teeth stay in unless they require antibiotics.

oh and i got into study a course in conservation biology at manchester metropolitan university today :)

another day another good win for the toon :)

if anyone needs any clues i'd like either the man in white on the daz ad or the guy on the escalator in the loreal moisturiser for men ad. yum times two. heck why not both at once.

busy week this week. tomorrow im off to cork, not forgetting to post my sisters birthday card and buying earrings at the airport, then flying back in on tuesday with my wisdom tooth appointment and also a telephone interview. wednesday should be deliveries day and also haircut, v important. plus a UEFA game to watch.... thursday is my leaving do day, so eviction outfit on and partying begins. friday is my last working day, and also out for a curry in the evening.

this news item caught my eye, so if youre next on an boat cruise watch out for an 800 pound shit shower when you go under a bridge.

ive had a busy old week this week for a change, what with fighting for my rights, dealing with many customer issues (even tho i only have one customer left) and also fitting in house selling, job hunting, pc buying, partying and holiday organising. so today i have done jack-all.

good news is that ive ordered a manhattan portage bag from ebags. v. useful for flights when you need your stuff handy at every moment for showing boarding cards, passport or getting your purse out for shopping, yeah!! and it only took two days to arrive, smart. (although i was out so its getting redelivered, i thought it was speedy!)

seems its all a bit quiet in the blog-ni-verse, but i guess even ive been busy so...

its seems that newcastle are back on a winning streak, after trouncing olympiakos in their own back yard. yes another uefa match under the belt, only five to go. bring on the fa cup on sunday and lets see what spurs have to offer. i think someone maybe still be smarting after we beat liverpool last weekend tooo....

christ my wardrobe is full and i like my clothes but i feel 99% of the time i suck fashion wise. ive been 'experimenting' with some new looks but generally its my belly that lets me down and out. ive fallen out of going shopping and i feel that i need a couple of items to help my cause. in the meantime i will be inkeeping with the other unfashionables that seem to haunt this city of style....

ive had a leaflet from the lib dem parliamentary candidate for my borough. there is a survey on various council provided services including buses and vandalism. i generally dont have many issues with the current labour council and she offers an email if id like to electronically tell her my opinion. however responding on the subject of dog-fouling and the number of craps i have seen recently, including one that could only possibly have been an emergency public human dump due to size, may not be what she was asking for.

one thing about living on my own, the toilet is always free. it is also just how you left it and lookin n smellin just how you like it.
this does not apply to the work dunny. its a public convenience trying not to be one. its wrong, all over.
the most annoying thing about the office loo is the revolving toilet paper dispenser. usually in the pub bogs, these dispensers are paperless, which is expected and also not as essential as you dont normally do twos when your on an evenings jaunt.
however the employment kharzi paper dispenser is full of toilet paper. in a roll. so tight you cant get any out. its like the execs have you on weecam and theyre laughing right at ya.
then there is the paper towels situation. these towels are automatically programmed to be stuck together, so when you grab a couple, a few thousand shoot out and litter the floor. again lavatory cam is sniggering.
finally the lighting strips make your skin sanguid green and the full length mirror is the opposite to the shop mirrors and suddenly your 50 pounds heavier.
and why is there always someone in the disabled loo when no-one in the office is disabled?

interesting article about the sky tv programme that is re-creating the court rooms scenes of the michael jacskon trial in a daily show. the hang over gang were just discussing whether the man portraying wacko was wearing prosthetics, but it seems not. if only mikey knew that a dab of white make-up, feltipping your nostrils and a wig would replicate his scary face he could have saved himself thousands in plastic surgery.

well done to javine. she beat jordan at her own game, popped her real mammary out and won the nations hearts. if she gets knocked up by a z list celebrity and then dumped before the final even more reason to pick her as our representative in europe. christ vote her in as an MP....

this time of year is always busy, what with seven birthdays within three weeks. everyone gets a card related to their individual personalities. i dont like cards that havent had any thought put into them or arent related to the person specifcally.
so far:
z has a card with a girl getting a massage, as she has been doing a massage course in evening class,
p usually gets a doggy card or a cute one. this time she gets a card full of swinging chimps as she is a cheeky monkey,
my sis who is beauty obsessed gets a card that is a cat in a bath with style, champagne and a handbag,
me ex gets a card thats says i hope u havent wet your pants today cos thats me.
i still need to get a card with a goldfish on it for C and a card for L, as yet undecided what that will be. maybe a mad horsey one.

was suckered into the ad yesterday and bought some seven signs oil of ulay face wipes. i'll let you know if i get refused to be sold alcohol.

confused myself today. and as not completely fully functional after a night of ethanol enduced brain cell depletion, but ive got some shopping to do!!

my nails seemed to have grown loads overnight. and its snowed properly again. very odd.

went to momo's moroccan restaurant yesterday. i had a new food product, 'jerusalem cous cous', which was like little yellow pea balls. not that popular as very few websites, could only find this which describes it very well. needless to say i am suffering from the copious amounts or liquid refreshment that accompanied the food...

going to botswana for the whole of april to do some more cheetah research. found out the area im going ot is malaria free. goody goody!!

i'm thinking about doing a lidl blog, so that i can let you know what products ive tried and tested.
i also want to do a blog about the things that have happened at work, when ive left obviously. im going to send out my leaving do email tomorrow, which i decided to send to all the nice people at work. and i went to my careers interview today which was very helpful and good to know im at least doing all the right things.
so i have two weeks and three days left. cripes!