every day is like sunday, every day silent and grey

what a shit day. first of all no fryes rip off boots in stock yet, the silver twist shoes arrived unexpectedly yesterday and i miss my opportunity to buy the only size five pair by one day. add together the fact we lost to bolton and i seem to be narrowing the odds on becoming the next dian fossey but with cheetahs rather than gorillas, today was not a good day. luckily i dont have an AK47.

i did find this, which i think surpasses anyones idea for a halloween costume. and theres a cheetah programme on the animal planet channel later. and the last episode of six feet under.

meanwhile outside begins to sound like iraq, even though i have never been there. i was going to say beirut, but thats so 80s.

i feel so poo i might just buy an ipod photo to cheer me up.

life imitating soap opera

im not sure if it will ever be calm, when there isnt some kind of 'drama' happening. at the min, i seem to be surrounded and involved in one problem or another. take work for example, there has been so many twists and turns over my 'future' at my job that i've considered every option and even have a spreadsheet running to cover the financial eventualities. at present i have one query left, and then an email to send. being a fairly lucky person, i do think that either way i will be ok, and probably mentally a lot better off. and as fate has it, ive spied a job advertised at former employers, that i think i could have a stab at, its all worth a try.

then theres the love life. the boy shopping expedition threw up a couple of nice chaps who unfortunately were shagging the same girl who i had been chatting to and i was under the impression she was just one of their group of friends. then i find out a previous tryst who had a gf at the time and chose her over me and then subequently got dumped by her (i told him so...) has now got a new gf, who looks very much like me. how mad was i?

so two nights of getting absolutely lashed were called for. i still managed to get a wedding card off to australia before the post office closed. and there was an argument between the indian post office dude and a north african guy about the post office man being racist about the fact the post office was closed. also my friend was sacked the other day, only to be headhunted for another rival company. funny how things turn out....

i really really want to buy a house in france. all i need is an extremely fit man who enjoys cats and safaris and wants to live in france too. i've applied to be an animal care assistant in the cat section, which if anyone knows me is my ideal job. if i dont get it i am going to volunteer as a cat cuddler instead. how cool is that.

so after resisting buying an i-pod photo, and managing to find my phone with 1000 mins of free calls and 500 free texts for £20 a month if i should need to have my own contract, i'm now moving onto the lappy. i love toshys, after having one for five years and i need one thats quite light, like around 4 pounds. and cheap.

this weekend is the big test, the camera i need for safari maybe full of dirt. so i have to take some photos of a blank white piece of paper to see if its the lens' or the camera. fab cant wait to find out. not.

do you have a song stuck in your head?

today i have 'buddy holly' by weezer stuck in my head, like that function on a cd player when you can play one track over and over again. oo-ee-oo i look just like bud-dy hol-ly, oo-ee-oo and youre mary tyler moore....

so this might help me choose another tune. oh and i like the idea of this
and i might just get them as well!!

shit. john peels died. a sad sad day for british radio and new music. its like missing part of the furniture. i mean hes always been there, on the radio or presenting glastonbury with his soothing voice and spot on selection of some band or other thats 'up and coming'. part of my mission whilst being studenty in manchester was to try and get to see new and different bands. unfortunately, i think my guru has departed.

seems like 4pm on tuesdays is mates catch-up time. so far have had three emails and a text within four minutes all relating to various voice and emails last week.

damn now theyre advertising french homes on 'place in the sun' that i could buy in one go, no mortgage. looks idyllic.

crikey was so tired this morning i forgot to have breakfast.
we seem to have 'bred' a bin yesterday. the baby had some other house' name on it but considering the amount of stuff thats just dumped in our bin booth just cos its on the corner i couldnt be arsed to move it further than just out of the bay. just like a spoilt child it kept me awake, rolling in the wind. however on turning the corner this morning it had jumped back into the fold and loving bosom of its bin parents. this time i removed it to the other side of the street, confident in the knowledge it will get moved around again before bedtime, no doubt back into our plot.

seems the underwear buying season is upon me, with no other than three, yes three bargain white bras to be bought at le weekend. 1 TK MAXX triumph bra for £3 (does this mean its a two-wheeler?) a gel filled bra and a multi-way from new look. i also saw that N.L are doing a rip-off of agent provocateur style undies with the title 'pretty provocative' which a certain pink style was quite nice. even had matching knickers.
now my taste in undies is no lace. whatsoever. and no huge pants. oh and no sequins. and decent colours, not green or yellow. so i happened to see some red bras with matching knickers so that i could get the bra and 3 pairs of knicks, plus the two white bras for £25. bargaino. defo need some more white DKNY's to go with the new white bras. (ps reason for white bras is that they tend to go with anything I am wearing, with no see through possibility. I do have a black one for dark tops btw I'm not that stoopid. but red is a major leap away from convention!)

ooh ooh ooh, found some lovely silver shoes, £20, except not in my size so will have to source them tomorrow, after a bit of exercise, which judging by the waistline is long overdue.

have progressed with one of the major things to do before 'the expedition' to namibia, which is currently t-minus three weeks exactly. so today managed to get my hiking/safari type boots, which reduced from £55 to £40, and paid for by mystic meg inspired lottery win, are total bargainlicious. thanks beyonce for inspiring that word.

second major thing to do is get malaria tablets sorted. and then i think i have everything sorted. oh yeah and send of fax for accomodation whilst in windhoek. so nearly done. which at slackers pace is turning out to be most relaxed version yet of preparing for major holiday. guess have most things now to be professional safari lady. yay!!

have come up with major idea for a book. so if i am bored in the next few months i can at least do some character creating. its all based on real people and real life situations, but all mixed together so as no one would be able to say it was entirely them etc. theres a BBC site about writing a book so i will have some pointers. and i know someone who works in publishing :)

have watched three filsm in the last 24hrs. first was 'welcome to collinwood' which was in one word 'pants'. weak plot, not even funny. then 'basic instinct'. now surprise surprise i have never seen b.i. before. first point, its too obvious whats happening. second thing, michael douglas is ugly, he is ugly!! and again not even funny. lame springs to mind. was beginning to wonder why i bother when 'the life of david gale came on'. finally a hollywood film with some kind of decent plot and interesting ending. all in all 'not bad'.

strange days indeed, most peculiar mamma

lycos aint working today, boo hiss. had the estate agant round to help me make my mind up about things. also had an 'interesting' team call, which was all doom and gloom again but luckily have found some hob nobs, which are classed as ok cos theyre oats.

does anyone watch home and away? I do. its great. alf and sally are still in it, and lots of old characters come back. the only things is, rhys sutherland. hes kind of the new 'tom'. but he has to be the ugliest man alive. really spoils the whole image of oz.

off to sunny croydon this weekend, have to buy some safari boots, light enough so theyre not my idea of gravity boots and simulate walking through mud but strong enough to kill off nasty beetly things.

funniest story have heard in a long time. bellamy and souy have massive bust up, according to the sun. apparently bellamy calls souey a 'fucking prick' for subing him. souey isnt happy and threatens bellamy with never playing for the toon again. bellamy retorts by sayong hes the best player at newcastle (er what about shearer?) and they nearly come to blows as souey drags bellamy into the gym, but falls over in doing so. wish i could have been there.

woo won £46 on the lottery!!!

been watching the prog on BBC2 about the fear factor. no not eating spiders and stuff but imaginary russian weapons and terror networks invented by the CIA. so ironic and so much an example about how everyone was duped about the cold war and now the iraq war. cant wait for next weeks episode. it just shows you as well, that a couple of people can influence the world, and not necessarily those 'in power'. but i really do hope there is someone who wants to take out donald rumsfeld and dick cheney in a really slow torturous death. i have several ideas how, including the six inch heel hill climb and all over wax.

ok. I cant seem to decide what to do.
should I...
1) Rent my flat in London (approx cost per year £2-3k) rent in Manchester
2) Sell flat in London and buy in Manchester
3) Sell flat in London and rent in Manchester?

Currently am considering option 3, as I am only on my course for a year and then not sure where I would get an environmental job. Also renting means I would make friends as I don't know many peeps in mancland. But its all so very awful to make a decision especially on my own. My mam has been both helpful and unhelpful when it comes to things like this. I understand I should be considering all financial options, but she does err on the side of over-cautious.

Anyways have been a busy bee trying to write a cover letter for a new job that I have found that looks quite interesting. It seems like a weird mixture of all the previous jobs I have done with an element of environmental aspects included. Writing cover letters is so pants and just scream give me the job that its hard not to sound cheesy or desperate. Will have another go at finishing it off later.

god have had so much to do today, and realising that my calculations were wrong has instilled a panic.
i've had a insight into what i can do about renting my flat in london, the pot i could get if i am up for the chop and also the potential changes if i stay. still so many things to consider, all on my own too.

anyways off to manchester tomorrow, and so have been running around doing washing and ironing, packing for four days away, visiting the new bride from the wedding i went to and arranging for flat viewing. oh and a couple of conf calls and emails for work too.

made chargrilled vegetable peppers and courgettes today, with some 89p sundried tomatoes from lidl. i dont know why but somehow chargrilling the veggies make them just taste so good, especially with cous cous. very yummy.

am i the only person watching the farm? i think its really interesting. even though vanilla ice is annoying.

Stella McCartneys Horse Chandelier 


I cant decide

I've got to make my mind up about whether I should action my 'plan' sooner rather than later. I've had a stressful couple of days, weighing up my options, using the calculator, making lists of what I need to find out and trying to predict the future. I had to go for a long walk yesterday lunchtime, I've had a chat with my mam and after watching the sad end to the cheetah story a big old blub.

Now I am just tired.

Even McDonalds is ditching the arches for a question mark.

filling in

I've been to the dentist today. I actually like going to see the tooth doctor, usually all i get is a brush and polish and I'm let go. Not this time. Apparently my teeth have 'deep grooves' and need to be filled in for easier brushing. This will involve something called 'fissures' where a white filling is put in, injection free, to prevent any decay. And for eight molars at £45 I quite like the idea. So when I come back from holiday I'll be getting some nice filled in teeth. hurrah.

theres something quite disturbing and eerie about those adverts for motorised scooters for the elderly featuring Avon from Blakes 7. His voice makes them sound very sinister and scary. should have gone for teh safe option of gloria hunniford or june whitfield, much more suited for that kind of gig.

and finally. yes it was me. i smelt it and dealt it. last night i think i created the worlds smelliest fart. not only could it have been sucessfully captured and used as the basis of all future stink bombs it also possessed an incredible linger factor which is needed to ensure maximum effect. i was just disappointed that i was the onky one to appreciate it, as i feel it was wasted on me and should have been a stick your partners head under the duvet moment fart. i thank you.

my pussy 


ah that was easy! my first picture post was well quick to 'self-teach'. have to 'self-teach' myself access this week, a stupid personal objective i set myself so my current employers can unknowingly aid me get a new career.

a busy couple of weeks coming up, am going to my future new home this weekend, then straight down to brum for a few long days of tedious work activities. the only thing keeping me going at the min is theres girls like tamzin outhwaite, who has thousands of male fans yet is single. yay.

my arse is the best. the rest of me is pants but my arse rocks. reckon i should make a plaster cast of it whilst its in peak condition. it could even be in the eric prydz video, just on its own. the bloke it the video is well fit, unfortunately no evidence to suggest if it is really mr prydz or a sexy stand in.

watched the film frida last night, about the life of mexican artist frida kahlo. quite an interesting movie, will be recommending it to a budding artist friend of mine. speaking of which i was trying to find a pottery class nearby, as a sort of new hobby/ way of meeting new people but they all started in september. was very disappointed. am feeling the need to be creative, i have the inspirations and yet the timing of a few weeks means i am ceramicsless. boo hiss. maybe when i am a student.

good news is that by accident i have found that i can get a tele-lens for my digital compact camera that increases the zoom to 252mm, which for £80 isnt a bad option. am going to have to mosey on down to jessops on monday and test it out. the factor here is whether the camera shake will affect the photos, i need a test run. also tomorrow am planning on testing the SLR i have to see if its f*cked or not. theres dirt in it somewhere and not sure if it will come out on the prints. will have to wait and see.

after last weeks potatofest i had to remedy the situation and return to a variety of veggies. so i bought current fave courgettes, red onions (white are sooooo out of fashion), red, yellow, green and orange bell peppers, organic carrots(49p for 500g and not odd shaped at all), chestnut mushies and a newcomer- asparagus. so i looked up a recipe from bbc food, (a great site as you can enter ingredients and it come up with recipe suggestions including roquefort and artichoke pizza that i might attempt at the weekend) and saw a quick stir fry of asparagus, mushrooms and peas. expertly placing a piece of seared salmon on the top with some crunchie garlic bits and i felt i had to start being all smarmy and gary rhodes-ish at the balancy-food creation before my eyes.

watched two documentaries back to back last night regarding the vietnam war, after enjoying reading our man in hanoi. as i began to understand more about the war other than what i knew already from platoon etc (i did geography at school so history is a bit limited) i find it a great inspiration of a victory of david versus goliath comparisons.
the yanks had superior fire power and technology, but the vietnamese outsmarted them in many ways. their supply chain from north to south vietnam was constantly bombed, but ingeniously there were four trails, and when one path or bridge was bombed there was a spare trail or a bridge quickly reconstucted. more bombs were dropped over the ho chi minh trail than in the whole of the second world war. and the after effect of agent orange is still apparent with deformed babies being born to this day.
the vietnamese became excellent booby trap makers, employing local villagers to make crude basic spike pits made from bamboo that did a surprising amount of damage. they knew the terrain better and also constantly fought back using AK47's which in the jungle turned out to be older but superior weapons compared to the US's flimsy M16's. in the end "nobody won" but i cant help admire the vietnamese. theyre a polite race, very dignified. and cunning, very cunning!!

example conversation round the dinner table

mam: i really hate squeezing the toothpaste onto my toothbrush. its so boring.

me: really? thats useless. its not that hard. think about all the people in africa that dont even have toothpaste.

dad. well you see women squeeze from the middle whereas men squeeze from the end......

cue all out war scene, viet-cong-esque, sniper fire all round.


had to break the emergency box on saturday. i watched empire strikes back on a small screen on video. desperate times call for desperate measures. cant wait until i get the dvd on my widescreen telly.
have updated my photos with the rest of france. tomorrow am doing pics of us down the pub and me at my mates wedding in geordieland.

im struggling a bit at the minute. rather than being the one who is falling apart its everything around me that is. so when it turns out that triples are on offer in every pub up north its a temptation i cannot refuse. ive paid for it today, me and the cat spent most of the day appreciating the inner sanctum of my bedroom. it reminds me of some kind of ancient fairytale, although the shining knight has never appeared to rescue me from my hideous captors so i had to escape myself.
i also think that jesus never actually cured anyone, he just gave them emergency tea. thats tea, quite strong, one sugar, made in middle of hangover which has marvelous healing properties.
tomorrow i get on the train and return to normality. i dont have to worry about annoying sniffing, sexism, racism, hockle in the sink, smelly towels and other such delights. oh and potato at every dinner. until saturday. great incentive to spend a long time at the gym, every evening next week.